Constantly complains & gives unwanted advices

“We don’t like their sound, groups of guitars are on the way out.” – The president of the Decca Records pertaining to the Beatles in 1962.

Everyone is bound to be critical and to be a victim of criticism. No matter how hard your work, how great your ideas, or how wonderful your talent, you probably had been or will be the object of criticism. No one is exempt. There are some people however who were born to be very critical, those who can shoot down every one of your ideas. Critics are bound to find an error. They are perfectionists and have high standards that can ruin you even the smallest of infractions. They are also bossy and make their disapprovals very clearly assuming the position of an expert, judging your work – being picky about every little detail as if they sit on their self-designed throne. Worse, some soaring-high critics are hungry for power and this can make you feel very exhausted everytime you are with them; giving you commands and all those sort of things. However, critics are good leaders. They are driven and pedantic. They want things done their own way that’s why they are usually pretty hard on themselves too. They are born teachers yet the bad thing is that they usually, especially the show-of critics; parade their knowledge in front of others.

Critics often believe that their criticisms are helpful. They think that if they announce your flaws and mistakes in the mob, you will improve, but then you actually don’t. Critics also believe that bigger problems came from small ones that is why they suggest solutions even into the smallest flaw. It seems like they feel the need to criticize everything they see; that it’s their duty to find something wrong. I also think that critics have some sort of personal history suggesting why they are very critical. A family background of critics perhaps? Critical genes? Hahaha…

So how can we cope with critics? At some point, critics have suggestions that are also good, remember that not all their babblings are bad, some of these things we can actually absorb. We sometimes don’t see these criticisms as good because they usually say these in a manner that irritates us. But we don’t knoe, critics might have an idea or something that we don’t knoe, eryt? I think that we should percolate the criticisms that we accept from critics, some are good and will actually make us grow as a person so we should set our boundaries. If the criticism is destructive, avoid it, don’t take it up, let it drop like a rain in the roof; it hits hard on the roof but then it falls from the roof and goes away, not really being affected. Critics are sometimes also expert gossips, instead of criticizing you in front of your face; they tend to complain about you to others in a fairly destructive way. Hahaha… So to avoid criticisms, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing; it is that simple. Lastly, I think we should practice also being “self-referral” rather than being an “object-referral”. Here’s Deepak Chopra’s idea about self and object-referral from the book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

The experience of the Self, or “self-referral,” means that our internal reference point is our own spirit, and not the objects of our experience. The opposite of self-referral is object-referral. In object-referral we are always influenced by objects outside the Self, which include situations, circumstances, people, and things. In object-referral we are constantly seeking the approval of others. Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based.

In object-referral we also feel an intense need to control things. We feel an intense need for external power. The need for approval, the need to control things, and the need for external power are needs that are based on fear. This kind of power is not the power of pure potentiality, or the power of the Self, or real power. When we experience the power of the Self, there is an absence of fear, there is no compulsion to control, and no struggle for approval or external power.

In object-referral, your internal reference point is your ego. The ego, however, is not who you really are. The ego is your self-image; it is your social mask; it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants to control, and it is sustained by power, because it lives in fear.

Your true Self, which is your spirit, your soul, is completely free of those things. It is immune to criticism, it is unfearful of any challenge, and it feels beneath no one. And yet, it is also humble and feels superior to no one, because it recognizes that everyone else is the same Self, the same spirit in different disguises.

That’s the essential difference between object-referral and self-referral. In self-referral, you experience your true being, which is unfearful of any challenge, has respect for all people, and feels beneath no one. Self-power is therefore true power.

“Nothing that we encounter leads to a greater and quicker loss of control than to be criticized. And, equally, it is harder to regain control when we are criticized than in any other situation.” – psychologist William Glasser, from his book Control Theory

Goodluck to C3 on Tuesday for our MPPRC!

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