high maintenance relationship

“The difficulty you experience with most impossible people is in your relationship, not in the person.” – Les Parrott III, Ph.D.

Les Parrott described two types of relationship; the high-maintenance relationship with impossible people and the low-maintenance relationship. According to him, the people we consider to be high maintenance in a relationship are like luxury cars; they need constant attention, drain our energy, eat up our time, and create a stream of unnecessary hassles. People who we consider as low maintenance in relationship however are the people who we get along well without so much effort or it doesn’t require much work. He described these people that are low-maintenance in a relationship as “natural fit”. We easily get irritated with impossible people, and that’s a sure fact, however it doesn’t have to be like that. We get irritated, but that person most of the time doesn’t know that he’s causing us so much irritation. Sometimes, we get irritated to a particular person but other people aren’t irritated to him/her. Why? It’s a self issue, we think the problem is with that person we hate but actually the problem sometimes is with us. We cannot control people, so we should not, that’s the general rule. In a relationship, even if he or she is already your boyfriends/girlfriend, husband/wife, the general rule is to not control a person. Each individual has his own dharma, yes, an individual way of life, and this dharma differs from each individual person. Imagine that it’s like rowing a boat; the boat is your life; rowing a boat make us exert effort to make any progress, however if you row another person’s boat while rowing your own boat, you need to exert extra effort to do it yet the boats are sluggish, unprogressive or will not move at all. I think in order to have a good relationship with others, even if you consider that person to be the worst, just think good things about that person, and if he’s in the verge of irritating you, go with his flow – don’t clash or if not just avoid the moments when that person will already make you burst. Sometimes, it also works if you imagine yourself being on that person’s shoes. That will make you understand more about an individual. That person could be having some depressing problems, mental or psychiatric disorders or had a weird past which will explain most of the cases. You don’t need to change yourself or the person; it’s on how you deal with your relationship with that person. In that way, we can have a fruitful life, communal relationships and eliminate being judgmental.

Anyway, I just want to share a very good website that can relieve stress especially for medical students like me. I got this from dave’s blog that says “We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.” I think medical students sometimes forget to play like a kid that’s why we grow old and problematic with all these heavy problems we’re going through in med school. Do you knoe Jackson Pollock? He’s a famous abstract painter and got more famous through painting by simply splashing layers of paint in the canvas. So here’s the site and Njoy: http://www.jacksonpollock.org/

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