B-day-okay

We are probably not meant to be doctors, instead singers... or stage performers!

Last night was special and exclusive. It's been a long time since I felt like it. I can still remember my Jack's Loft birthday party in Eastwood, Libis with only very close and special friends.

Cruisers rummaging the long table, picas in every corner, and that special corner or rather room of Jack's Loft flocked with people of the same interest. I miss it and that was 3 years ago.

For the past 2 years, birthday parties were not ecstatic nor euphoric. It's lame. I was greeted with happy birthdays and cheered by people, some of them I don't know, and I assumed they really don't care, coz they also don't know me. People just go to parties to get drunk and meet new people. It's just like going to the usual random or spontaneously planned/unplanned parties.

But birthday parties should be different. It's a special day. It's not just an ordinary party day.

My point is, it's my birthday and I should be enjoying the party. Get the point? Then I came to realize that after those nights partying with people I rarely hang out with just make me feel tired and broke in the end; when party people are on their way back home, intoxicated.

It's fun but contented?

Nope.

And when everyone's back to sobriety, who am I to them?

It felt useless. It's like only buying happiness. It's as easy as swiping your plastic card in one of your favorite stores.

Partying with people I rarely talk to or even know is more awkward than meeting with your Ex in a vacant, lifeless room. In other words, there's nothing to celebrate.

You can't just celebrate with random people! Duh...

That's why from then on, I don't like or as much as possible would not want to celebrate my birthdays together with other people's birthdays. They only happen once a year so I deserve to get all the attention and elation. Don't get me wrong, I am not hungry for overtures nor complements; but you probably got the point, everybody feels the same way. Coz it's your birthday or my birthday! Eryt?

Well, every birthdays I had was fun, I am pretty sure about it, but surrounded and celebrating it with people I really know is more of a choice. It's a preference. It's where I am most comfortable at.

It's not how grandiose the celebration would be, It's more of with whom I'd spend the event with.

It's not how many people will go to my party, what's important is that everyone enjoys each other's company.

It's not the classiness of the served food but rather the fun that we get while munching and indulging.

So after two years of lifeless birthdays, the essence's back.

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(L-R front) Me the birthday boy, James, Melds, Cams, Hanna, Jacq, Carlos
(L-R back) Mike, Saki, Renz
Dinner @ Grilled Tomato, Tomas Morato

Thanks guys for the great company! Thank you for making last night memorable and so uber fun. Thank you for singing with and singing for me. Hehehe. May we continue singing on the same track forever.

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I told them to wear stripes or else... Hahaha...
(L-R) Mike, the Author, James, Jacq)

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Med students in their lively performances. (L) Jacq and Hanna, singing like there's no tomorrow. (R) Hanna, Carlos and Renz dancing to the tune of Stop by Spice Girls videoke-d by Cams.
Taken @ Centerstage, Tomas Morato.

And BTW, thanks for wearing all STRIPES! Just what I wanted...

Pictures can be viewed HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE!

Schizoid's week

A not so toxic week is supposed to be a good thing but I am wondering why during these times, my quizzes and exams are lower than the usual.

Last week was the hell-est week so far in 3rd year. It isn't just the tons of quizzes and exams that we had last week but also, our group was scheduled to present a case in Dermatology and Radiology.

The Radiology case presentation went well but not in Dermatology. It was a big and stupid mistake of my group to include pyogenic paronychia to our differentials when actually our patient presents with inguinal erythematous lesion.

What the hell right?

I know.

Since I was only assigned to discuss the history and physical examination of the patient, I didn't review the whole powerpoint presentation. I was shocked to see pyogenic paronychia as one of our differentials as a group member discusses the nail lesion.

Of course "she" noticed it. I did! And so as the whole class. Who wouldn't anyway?

I don't know who included it in our differentials but it was really a stupid "mistake". Of course it's a group presentation so there's nothing I can do; I am included. You can call me stupid nao. E?

Anyway, yeah it was really a hell week! It was a hell week but my quizzes and exams were higher than the usual.

This week however, is the most relaxed week! Classes were even suspended last Wednesday morning so we impulsively watched Wanted at the Gateway Mall the night before the suspended morning classes. It was cooler than Batman I swear! I know it's been on-screen for weeks already but what the hell, I heard it was good. And yes it was awesomely great!

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Eugene, Cay, of course Me and Hanna @ Gateway Cinema.

Surgery quiz went okay, It was hard but tolerable. They said it was Samplex (Sample Exam) based. I didn't review a samplex so, I dunno... I'll just wait for the result.

Then Wednesday was my birthday! I am already 23! Yey!

Although it was a gloomy day and the sun wasn't shining to its full glory, I was cheered by my 2 friends when I met them during dinner time at MickyD's!

They surprised me with this mini cake and a new green cellphone cover.

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I know I was too happy. The green cover's too cool for me not to be. Look at my eyes, you can barely see 'em! Hahaha...

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Mudd cake, my birthday cake!

Thursday, I went jogging with med friends inside the campus. It rained though and the supposed to be 5 to 7 rounds ended up with just 3. Still, it's a fun day!

However, I got irritated today! I hope later's par-tay with friends would convert my mood into a manic type. Hahaha...

Pediatric surgery class was the usual, ended with a long quiz about abdominal and pulmonary defects. The audio in the discussion room was terrible but it didn't bother me and I listened intently.

Oh gawd, I hope I got most of the questions right... [cross fingers!]

Owell, I think I should go...

I wanna party already!

Oh oh oh... It's my birthday! Yey!

BK saved my day!

DSC03919Burger King is such a blessing.

And PLDT made me crazy again today.

The first incident was during the time I applied for their DSL service about a year ago or two. I can still remember how I insensitively cursed and scared those PLDT agents and operators. Who wouldn't anyway? It took them 2 months after I applied for their DSL before they finally installed the unit in our desktop.

Then yesterday, my brother texted me about our broken DSL connection. He mentioned that the connection stopped since Thursday night, he called PLDT's attention but they just said our connection's fine. It's probably my brother's desktop's that's broken. Okay, so probably.

When I was back home late last night, I checked my brother's PC and tried figuring out what's wrong. I hooked my laptop into the router, I also can't connect to the net. PLDT's busted, there's nothing wrong with my brother's PC nor mine.

I called them up today, I told them about our current no-Internet connection situation. I was furious! I only get the chance to use the Internet when I am home so this really bothered me.

The operator said they'll inform our case to the mechanic. He said they'll either call me back or someone will come and have the connection checked and fixed.

I asked him when will I expect them to call or arrive.

He said he'll report it today.

It's not the answer I was looking for. I was expecting him to give me the date and time. I badly needed it to be fixed already.

I asked him again the same question. Adding

"Can I expect them to come and fix my Internet connection today?"

He replied again with his irritatingly, incongruent and inappropriate answer.

Today, nobody called, nothing came up.

Med students can relate to this, the Internet is like one of those heavy books that we "collect". It's as important as the Harrison's Internal Medicine book. We connect with classmates and friends via the Internet. We actually need to be connected all the time.

Can you send the Colon Obstruction handout?

Is the radiology powerpoint already posted in the group?

Announcement: New case posted in Surgery e-leap.

Of course they will not fix it tomorrow because it's Sunday. So it's going to be 4 days on no internet connection. That's already a big discomfort.

So if ever PLDT can read this (I hope they would), your service is so jurassic. I am satisfied with the speed of your internet connection but I hope when your costumers get problems, your service will also be as fast as your internet connection.

Remember, we are paying monthly for an unlimited internet connection. The reason why we applied to your service is because we want to be in immediate access to the internet whenever we want to.

I was supposed to be back in the apartment today but since rain poured and my undershirts aren't dried yet, I can't just leave them and wear no undershirt next week.

So now I am in the nearest Burger King to avail their free wifi! Yey!

I already e-mailed my cousin her urgently needed information about bronchial asthma, and now I am looking for journals to be appraised on Monday and, ehem, of course blogging.

I also got the chance to try their new iced coffee! Yummmeee...

Thanks BK!

Okay, I think I should go home already... Bye!

Customary, concentric ideas

Is it possible for an eccentric individual to be converted to a centric?

I noticed that people who have an oh-so-low-low-low ego or low self-esteem is likely to get depressed. That's because they are eccentric. They avoid people.

I know how they feel, not that my ego's being stepped by people but for the reason that I think I am being used as an outlet for these low esteemed individuals.

It's sad right? Being used? I can't blame them though.

Vulnerability in situations like this is due to the fact that I listen to people. I can just sit there and not mumble; I just listen. The only time that I mumble is when the talking's over.

It is a good thing that some odd or eccentric individuals would change into better individuals.

People change. I am very open to changes. People don't change in just over a day. It is a long transition state. However, I noticed that many eccentric individuals, upon overcoming their insecurities, they tend to act very big and boastful.

It's like they're too hungry for praises and attention. They change from a person who doesn't talk that much or who don't go to parties often into a person who would always talk about themselves and are desperately trying to fit in to people.

They want to be accepted.

They are like delayed from their social development that they would rush things and rampantly express their newly acquired engorging ego.

They tend to talk a lot. They talk loudly.

An it's worse when they talk about themselves incessantly. All I hear is I am good, I am great, I am the best, I am rich, I am famous, I know him and her, I, I, and I.

They're like manics, talking about their grandiosity, joking about almost everything inappropriately trying to get everyone's attention like Batman's famous villain Joker. I also get too irritated when I listen to people who are stuck in their latency stage of their development, they always want to compete and would try hard to push you down.

So can an eccentric turn into a centric?

No.

Even if they want to go with the flow because they already have a boosted ego, they can't. This boosted ego destroys them.

People would avoid them more.

It makes matters worse...

Also,

As I've always shared, I love to talk. But I can also be silent.

There even came a time when I considered Psychiatry as my future specialization, however, I realized that continuously listening to people's problem and even grandiosity bores me.

I can listen to your problem once, then I can share my thoughts and advices about it once. Repeating the same old problem to me bores me.

I know as a good friend, I should still listen but I don't get the point why people sometimes can't get enough of their problems, they just keep on going and going.

They probably aren't doing anything about it. Or stuck?

Owell, I am thinking about a lot of stuff lately... and it's weird that I've been away for a long time. Right?

It's been one of the most toxic week so far in 3rd year! I had 3 sleepless nights, and that is sleeping at 3 o'clock in the morning just to "almost" finish deadlines and review the must study lessons.

Although I was treated by my friend last Thursday to watch the new Batman movie which for me is the coolest movie this year at the Trinoma mall sponsored by the Titans fraternity, I still faced the consequence of finishing my patient's history at around 3 in the morning. Luckily, Friday wasn't that heavy, it felt heavy though for I lack sleep.

Okay, if you haven't seen the Batman movie yet, you should! But you'll be hating Batman's husky voice in his black suite. Hahaha...

But still, you'll love it. You'll feel sad that Heath Ledger will not be the next Joker. Of course because he's dead.

I also like Maggie Gyllenhaal's performance. Owell, I like her since The Monalisa Smile movie.

I hope everything will go smoothly next week for it will be my birthday!

Greet me, greet me!

Attach, Detach, Attach again...

detachmentDid you ever realize why are there a lot of unhappy people?

Bowlby theorized that attachment behavior is responsible for most major depressions.

He has a point. Damaged attachment can be very hurtful and depressing. In attachment or being too attached, our life depends and sets into the ideals of where we are too much attached.

I am not only talking about attachment to people but also to material things.

Some would kill just to have money and power; people get in trouble because they can't live without luxury and fame. It's pathetic I know.

Life on earth isn't permanent but even if it is, relationships aren't. Even material things fade away, technologies become obsolete.

I am not promoting detachment here, my point is, we should learn how to practice and balance the two; that is a little attachment and a little detachment.

Before, I thought detachment is far better than being too attached.

It's probably due to my unstable and pathetic state before, during those times I was desperately looking for "answers" and overtly reading things about detachment.

Detachment reigned on me.

Then I realized that being too detached will also make a person unhappy. I know that great companions and pleasurable activities aren't permanent however living without experiencing great companies nor pleasurable activities is likewise not that enjoyable, It will not make me happy either.

I think it will make me more of a loser not enjoying my life, the fact that not all people can actually hurt me that much.

And I wouldn't want to die unhappy, and alone...

So it's just a sense of living or playing life safely.

What matter's I cherished some happy moments with people that I meet, I may not have a guarantee of being happy with them forever but just the mere fact that I became happy for a few seconds or even for days would be an utmost sublimity. More importantly, I on the other hand also shared some happiness to others.

Let's enjoy life! Yey!

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Photo was taken from HERE!

Math 6##

There are only 3 untruths in life; Lies, damn lies and statistics.

The phrase above was taken from a book that I've read, title I cannot remember. I think it's from one of Dean Koontz' novels but I am sure it was from a bookseller.

The phrase above was attributed to Benjamin Disraeli by Mark Twain. And I read it from Michael Palmer's New York Times Bestseller Miracle Cure.

statistics

I know many people would interpret this line differently. For me it's really a garble line. I acquired this line for ages already, meandering for truths behind these 3 untruths, yet apparently I cannot really unfold. I don't even know what's the difference between damn lies and just plain lies. Do you? Pft! However, I think I realized it's true meaning already just now; the truth behind that particular line.

It's probably just a correlation to what had happened in Surgery class a few days ago but anyway, I now understand why Mark Twain referred to statistics as an untruth.

In med school, a lot of people believe in statistics. We rely on diagnostic tools and treatment modalities that has been nicely evaluated statistically. But why do we need to rely on these numbers?

Let's say smoking is a high risk for developing lung malignancies. Also, smoking is a risk factor to the development of esophageal malignancies. Why do we need statistics?

Smoking has a lot of adverse effects. If I have to list all these effects in this entry then I'll probably consume the whole page of my blog, and you would probably stop reading because it would be sooooo boring.

When we do history taking from patients we ask them their personal and social histories like smoking, drinking, use of drugs and sexual practices. If you are a smoker then there are a lot of diseases that may actually result as a smoker; cancer in almost all your body parts, ulcers, lung problems, heart problems, vascular problems and so on and so fort.

So why is it really important to ask if in actuality smoking is really a risk to all diseases?

I diagnosed a patient presenting with dysphagia (a patient who cannot or have difficulty swallowing) as having an esophageal carcinoma (cancer of the esophagus) basing it from his history and physical examination. I included his smoking as a feature for the development of cancer. My facilitator didn't agree.

I told him I read it in the book that smoking is a risk factor.

He told me smoking is a risk factor to everything.

So why should I care? Or why would I include it in as an important feature?

I am really convinced that it's really a malignancy of the esophagus but his was different. He said I should think of a more common disease entity. Like what?

I didn't get his point.

Should we depend on statistics regarding our decisions on diagnosing a patient? For the past cases we've discussed exclusively within a small group, my impressions were all abolished by our facilitators. I observed that the real reason behind the quashing of my diagnoses was statistics.

Their impressions more often than not rely more on statistics. A more common disease entity will usually be the impression to our cases. Why is it so? Is it impossible for the patient to acquire certain rare disorders? Or rather the 3rd or even the 4th most common?

In case analysis, what's written in the patient's data and history and PE will be the only basis for the diagnosis. Isn't it more appropriate to  consider all the salient features in making an impression? I know that the more common disease entities should be considered too. Is statistics blinding us from all the other possibilities?

Exactly! I think statistics are blinding a lot of people into a lot of certain things. People aren't open to other possibilities because they rely too much on statistics.

I also noticed that when I read med books, there are statements like...

One study shows that...

...therefore it may contribute to the patient's current signs and symptoms.

Did you notice a questionable part of the phrase?

Use of the word "MAY" is always apparent when it's supported by studies and/or statistical data are presented in journals and books.

MAY is used in expressing a wish or hope. It's not a fact or it will never be a fact. It's just MAY. It can or cannot.

I am not abolishing statistics here, but aren't we supposed to focus first to the patient before we rely on statistics?

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Picture was taken from HERE!