Sunken & Soaked?

Shooooot!

WTF?!

For real?!

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This was the UST Hospital Lobby, last night.

Aw…

Awesome? Awful? Or Awkward?

Go figure!

Here’s the view from the outside:

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I was not personally in here, luckily, cos I was in a “From Duty” status. And I wasn’t able to go back to the apartment last night cos the rain was crazy as hell. Well, I found out this morning that the water almost went inside 6211!!! Would you believe?!

And it doesn't even flood in our street, Never! Ever! Not until last night!

And our unit is in the first floor! Owell. Should I be scared now?

So, I did not take these pictures.

Thanks to Melai Camua for the awesome (well, for me they are) pictures!!! I hope she didn’t get Leptospirosis.

Ex-ing…

How would you react when an ex greeted you a happy birthday?

Well, first of all… Don’t react. Never ever react. But…

Ahm… Say, thank you?

Exactly!

Be polite. Restrictively polite. If there is even such a thing.

And that’s just what I did. Period. Sent a thank you message with the plainest smiley character in the end.

Remember, it should not hint her or make her feel responsible of responding back, again. Or anything sorta like that.

Okay, whatever.

Oops!

I forget! It’s almost my birthday! LOLercoaster!

Plans plans plans…

No plans. ROFL.

I will treat…

Myself. Hahaha.

It’s my birthday and I am gonna celebrate for still being young and alive! Hopefully, I could.

But I need some peace and quiet... That’s all. Or whatever it is people go away for.

Did you just notice how pathetic I am right nao?

I am absolutely aware of it. I am soooo freakin boring! I am literally bored! Sometimes I get self-conscious about that and it’s sad. Makes me more… sad. How's that for something to admit?

I can't believe this... I can't go anywhere. Not even for my birthday! Stuck. Suck!

If I ever get out of here
Thought of giving it all away
To a registered charity
All I need is a pint a day
If I ever get out of here
If we ever get out of here

Band on the Run by Paul McCartney

PS: Please send me some corny jokes. I need to laugh!

Beep me! Send me some greetings!

Feelings, et al

Even though I am known by some to have a heart as hard as stone, I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places we didn't know we had inside us. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts we get, or gyms we join, or jog laps that we finish, or crunches that we sweat, or how many glasses of vodka we drink with our friends... we still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what we did wrong or how we could have misunderstood.

I can say that I am a little ignorant about love. I am too sick and tired of searching for almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I don’t think about love more than anyone really should. Cos love is amazing, it has its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. Love comes in different forms. Some, forbidden yet it’s still love. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night, or into someone who is wrong or worse an illusion.

And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert, for several reasons and evidences I don’t want to disclose. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are reading at one such individual’s blog.

And I have willingly loved several of them for a million times already! Of course that’s an exaggeration but I can say that it’s absolute the worst feeling of my life! Those days that I have been in love one-sidedly have been the darkest times of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with people who does not and will not love me back.

Oh gawd, just the thought of it!

Reminiscing the glorious past!

Heart pounding!

Throat thickening!

Absolutely can't swallow!

All the usual symptoms.

Now how in the hell for a brief moment we could think that we were that happy. And sometimes we can even convince ourselves that that person see the light and show up at our doors, sooner or later.

Pathetic.

And after all that, however long all that may be, we'll go somewhere new. And we'll meet people who make us feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of our soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of our lives that we wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

***

Some texts were excerpts from the movie “The Holiday”, edited based on what the blogger feels and relates.

Spiderwebs

One of my fave No Doubt songs, Guitar Hero World Tour tracks and OST for the 2nd season of Gossip Girl.

Spiderwebs is a ska punk song written by Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal for No Doubt's third studio album Tragic Kingdom (1995). Some say this song is actually about Crystal Meth, hence the term “spiderwebs” used to describe the spiderweb like pattern it creates inside the pipe… Woah, makes you wonder why Gwen is so skinny, e? LOL. But it is not so hard to imagine, right? Early 90's Orange County, Sublime's songs STP (Secret Tweaker Pad) and D.J's (dope junkies) clearly reflect the use of speed smoking, and No Doubt was no exception.

But licitly speaking, this song is about a woman who tries to characterize the man who she won't like to talk like an ex-boyfriend or a guy who she is trying to get over with into a stalker because she has decided not to answer any more of his calls and wants to make sure that she doesn't talk to him or have contact with him because everytime she talks to him she gets more caught up in his web and she cant break free.

Very shallow, I knoe. And the Meth is more believable?

Oh and the chorus part of this song is a very cool line to answering machines, right? But since iont use the creepy old talking machine, I’ll use the chorus as my ringtone. yey!

Click, click, click!

You think that we connect
That the chemistry's correct
Your words walk right through my ears
Presuming I like what I hear

And now I'm stuck in the web
You're spinning
You've got me for your prey

Sorry I'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message
And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back

You're intruding on what's mine and
You're taking up my time
Don't have the courage inside me
To tell you please let me be

Communication, a telephonic invasion
I'm planning my escape...

And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls

Now it's gone too deep
You wake me in my sleep
My dreams become nightmares
'Cause you're ringing in my ears.

ooh spider webs
leave a message and I'll call you back
I'm walkin in a spider webs
so leave a message and I'll call you back

it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
no matter matter matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls
it's all your fault
it's all your fault
no matter who calls
no matter who calls

I'm walkin in a spider webs
so leave a message and I'll call you back
I'm walkin in a spider webs
leave a message and I'll call you back

Let’s talk about benignity

God bless me.

This is probably the most benign rotation in surgery, EVER. I am currently rotating in TCVS (Thoraco-cardiovascular surgery) and Orthopedic surgery. This rotation makes me feel like there’s really life besides going on duty; to just sit inside our quarters, do nothing but stare at each other, wait for the duty end, play Plants vs. Zombies, check Facebook updates, monitor patients in the ward every 4 hours and as my last resort to read books when all else fail to keep me lively.

This is what I’ve been waiting for, a period to breathe and to repose, to think and realize that I also have my own life that I should also take care of.

Since clerkship started, all I did is to think about patients. Even when I knoe that I am already away from the hospital premises, I bring parts of my patients with me back home… Not their body parts of course but the numerous papers to be filled up and medical abstracts to be clearly narrated. Also, we are responsible and must read articles and matters regarding their cases and ORs to be done.

Is this how doctors really live?

I seldom see my family nao, I forget to clip my fingernails and toenails, I haven’t had a drink for ages already, I barely see my non-med very close friends, I can’t find time to jog nor do crunches in my room, I sometimes even forget to finish my cereals or finish my cup of coffee in the morning.

Maybe.

So in times like this, let me enjoy. I currently don’t have a patient. We have patients but I don’t have my “own” patient.

Did you get the point?

But sooner or later, I knoe patients need me. They need my help; my knowledge and skills… In short, I knoe I will be back to patient care.

Owell, cheers!

I nao can say that being a doctor is the most noble profession in this world. I am nao experiencing the load of work to handle; the number of patients that must be treated whatever the case may be and whenever time they arrive in the ER; the amount of hours in the OR standing, I’m telling you it’s tormenting; the rush we feel when we sense a patient is about to “code”, and what more when the patient is already “coding”!

Seriously, I must enjoy. Nao.

Then I’ll  see you after I finish General Surgery, Trauma and ER surgery.

I knoe there’s a storm coming ahead.

Dak=Toxic

My name defines toxicity. Yes, I attract toxic patients. And every duty that I’ve been through, it’s always toxic. Without fail.

Take for example my current patient, a 70 year old female diagnosed with subarachnoid hemorrhage, in other words, stroke. I had experienced monitoring her on her bedside every 15 minutes for 4 hours because she’s GCS7 E1V1M5, meaning she had no eye opening, no verbal response and she just moves on painful stimulation. Technically, she’s supposed to be already hooked with a tube down to her lungs, but iont think she was actually intubatable cos she’s still breathing by herself and not in distress. Well, so she was not.

The good thing is, she’s okay nao, not really okay-okay, but a lot better than GCS7. She’s nao GCS13, concious, a little lethargic but sometimes still confused or silent.

Last duty, I admitted another patient with the same diagnosis. She came from the Pay or the UST private hospital transferred to the clinical division or the “charity hospital” due to i-dunno-why, probably financial crisis… and the relatives kinda freaked out when they saw how the Clinical Division wards look like. I even overheard a relative said,

Aren’t we gonna get Dengue fever in here?

Duh! Freak!

What does she think of patients who cannot afford private rooms? Aedes mosquitos?! LOL. Luckily, the patient wasn’t admitted in our service. I just can imagine the things they will probably demand from the clerks.

Tomorrow will be my last duty day in neuro and plastic surgery. I hope it will be fine. For good.

No toxic patients!!! (crossing fingers)

BTW, I would like to congratulate my brother who just passed the recent pharmacy boards. Yey! I can very much relate. I can reminisce the time when I was in his place, waiting for the result. It was grievous! But the sublime feeling of passing the exam was ecstatic. Euphoric. Better than a 4-hr long of hot foreplay. Orgasmic?! ROFL.

Well, at least it’s not a month-long wait, right? right? That’s gonna kill me I swear. LOL.

Bye for nao. (Keep your fingers crossed!)