Office Ensembles, November 2011

We are in this transition of season from the hot & humid weather to now being colder and colder each day. And I see the rise of medical complaints ranging from cough to runny nose accompanied by itchy throat, persistent sneezing and skin lesions; Allergic cough, seasonal allergic rhinitis and hives. These are the common out-patient problems nowadays. In relation to that, I made a transition too on how I dress up at work. From the more comfortable ones to the advent of playing with clothes such as colors and layers.

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Dress Shirt: vertical grey stripes, Vintage Ed by Guess
Stethoscope: 3M Littmann Select
White Medical Coat: Nikko’s Tailoring

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Dress Shirt: 101 New York
Suspenders: dark blue/white, striped by McJim

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Scrubs: camouflage, B.T. from AFP Medical Center in V.Luna, QC
Baseball Raglan: black/white, cotton by Russell Athletics

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Dress Shirt: white/black, double-collared by Folded & Hung

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Collared Tee: blue, striped by Gap
Belt: black leather by Armani Exchange
Trousers: denim, Guess Jeans
Carabiner: black, gift (car key)

Evolution Of My Limbic System

The first time I knew and experienced love that is true, I was reckless. I was young… a teenage boy, curious about love and relationship, rolled by raging and erratic surges of hormones. I had different perspectives then. I was mostly controlled by bodily chemicals such as testosterone and not by my emotions and rational thoughts... Physical attraction was a trigger and plays a huge role in the picture, although I am not saying it wasn’t true love. I knew that it was love and true but my perspective was immature. And unstable.

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Then physical attraction was killed. It wasn’t much of an importance anymore. Glossy eyes became overrated. I’ll be lying though if I say it ain’t a factor. You still have to be at least presentable and look bright. But it doesn’t stop there, you have to be smart but not necessarily wise. One hello outweighs a killer smile; wit wins over poreless skin. I check resumes and I ask which university you got that degree. How about a post-grad? I always start with the question “What do you do?”. Sensible & long conversations… A must! I am in dire need of stability and security. I want someone who has a dream. Yes, I became that choosy.

Then I realized, it’s not all about beauty and brains… I still know my standards. I am sticking into it… but if I will wait ‘till I find that someone out of 6billion people in the world with all my strict parameters, I’m just gonna end up as a failure and eventually die not being happy. No one is a perfect standard. There is always a margin of error. And I believe that each one of us is destined to a lifetime partner. Samson had Delilah. Mickey has Minnie. Beauty worked it with Beast. There might be however conflicts between personalities or differences in characters but the truth is, most of the time the opposite works. It’s the law of polarity. Yin & yang. Anode & Cathode. North and south. It’s just a matter of finding  and realizing that he/she is the closest thing to your standards. So what if he has an error of 0.1%? It’s about accepting that error cos we can’t do anything about it. That 0.1% error is part of the person that makes him/her whole. It’s just a matter of compromising those certain differences. Meeting half-way. Finding a happy medium. Going to the middle ground. Striking a balance. Give and take.

And that’s when unconditionally loving someone comes into place. :-)

It hurts

Just like a pair of brand new shoes.

But you still wear it cos it looks good on you.

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And you just keep on wearing that single pair because it doesn’t just look good on you. But because you love the pair. And as time goes on, as you get used to it, it becomes more and more okay to wear it all the time.

The pair of shoes that we choose makes us happy. But the question is, how was the experience way back when you started wearing it? Horrendous. Difficult. Uncomfortable. The real catch however is, how did you deal with it? Pads. Socks. Bandages and what have yous do it yourself ideas.

Everything at the start may be difficult for us to handle but if we really love it, then that difficult part will just go away eventually and naturally. And so we never stop. We make remedies. We do crazy things to adapt.

We go on, wear it until it feels okay. Better. Happy. Comfortable.

They Call It Seventy Seven

But I call it the one-of-my-super-day-ender bars. LOL.

I capped my night last Tuesday with Jerome who’s been a very good friend of mine since high school. We actually had a long day & decided to meet up after work. I saw patients the entire day & had to catch-up on my readings in the evening; He on the other hand had a 2-10pm shift in the lab. So the plan was to cap it off with a few drinks.

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There’s this bar in Kamuning called 77 that I frequent. Visits started when I was still  reviewing for the Philippine Medical boards which eventually became a habit to grab one or two drinks per night after studying while still being giddy with all the caffeine running through my veins. The alcohol serves like an antidote.

The place is like an old up&down house circa 70s-80s turned into a very cozy hangout venue popular among crowd of the 20s to early 30s. When alone, I usually go straight to the bar and order a bottle of spirit or a cocktail of kurant & sprite, chitchat with the bartenders and even to perfect strangers and voila, “Have a happy & good night evbud!”. 77 has always been a fun place for me.

Although last Tuesday, t’was a different story cos I was with a friend. We stayed in a sala-set area complete with sofas and a low wooden antique-ish table. Very homey indeed. Fortunately t’was a Tuesday night so the place wasn’t crowded.

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We sat comfortably wherein I was literally slouching like twas my home with a pizza, a pitcher of Kurant & Sprite on the table as we began with our usual “How’s it goin’? What’s the 411?” tryin’ to catch up with each other’s lives. Love’s always been a problem of this friend and as we started discussing his love story, its flaws and all those shitnitz, I realized that I am actually having the same dilemma to which I was casually denying and just shrugging it off for the past days or even weeks. I was in denial like it’s not affecting me that kind of sort of thing. So in  reality, I was giving the advises to myself as I did a litany of what you should and should not do and this and that and what have yous.

T’was crazy. As I was telling my friend “you became to available & vulnerable kasi…”, it’s like me talking to myself like a non-compliant schizo. I was… yes literally just talking to myself; addressing all my preaching to myself. And in conclusion, I am pathetic and desperate… And maybe lonely too.

I never had a good relationship for the past year/s. The last date I had was a click, my standards… but t’was just so-so, garblish and undeniably fun but really nothing-is-going-on… yet still I got hooked. Call it one-way, unrequited, it’s-just-me-slap-me-wake-up. So yes I became too available then now vulnerable.

One epiphany led to the next. I need to evolve, noh? See? My friends are now getting married, their kids are being baptized… And now my physician friends are already stepping into the next level in their lives that is Residency Training. They are all evolving while I stay on my comfort zone. Is it even a comfort zone until now?

I am stuck in a rut. I knoe I am slowly progressing with my choice of career going through its path that I chose and I have to take but I realized that I don’t need to just transcend with my career… I need to evolve too as a person; as a normal human being with normal physiologic & biologic needs.

And so that night at 77, it made me figure out what’s definitely wrong with me, and that I’ve been ignoring it for quite some time now, and now I’m so sure that I’m gonna change it. Soon. Very soon.

It was aactually an awesome night. After all, nights at 77 always end up nice and good. Cheers! :-)

Obstipated

*Random thoughts & rants

When you reach the age of 26 and you don’t have that much money and a very stable job to brag about, it’s like being the biggest chunk of floating ice in the world; a useless iceberg; a lost soul of some sort. An old lost soul of ice, nowhere to go. And broke. And sank Titanic.

Garble-ish I knoe. To be totally honest? It’s kinda hard to make a point sometimes.

Many times I came across the idea that I am probably in a wrong career path. But I believe that all those running ideas were wrong; just cerebral; that I was just thinking that I am, yet I am actually not. I have moments when really overthink; in times when I really lack sleep and I overdosed myself with caffeine. And I think I should also drive less… and limit my toilet visits cos most of my epiphanies <and not to mention euphemisms> happen while I am driving orrr I’m taking a leak or shit.

Orrrr it’s just the anal in me.

Did you know that thoughts can destroy a person? It can confuse, deceive, damage, distress, torture… and even kill. So our minds should be watched, guarded, filtered, cleansed, purified…

To quote former First-lady Imelda Marcos,

“Think of the true, good, & beautiful”

She is so right. I am so clouded with doubts and insecurities.

Maybe at this age and time, it’s normal to be nervous about faulty career and instability. That I might be doing the wrong choices in life. What if my fate isn’t really this? Or that? Really scurd.

But of course I cannot just go change careers left and right to hit the right one just like what I usually do to my hair, right? The next month it’s gonna be blonde. Or I get bangs. Again. It’s not that easy; but I wish it is. That easy.

Sometimes I can’t help but question myself why I even went into med school. And it’s hard to hate myself on that cos this is the only thing that I’m really good at. And yes, if I do think of any other profession right now, it’s gonna be hard to give up on something I’m already good and happy at. Like me checking on your throat <say ahhhh please>, or hearing how one’s heart beats <lub-dub-lub-dub-toinks>, or poking my finger up into one’s ass <ouch!>.

As a child, I also thought or have planned of doing the simplest things in life like being an astronaut <Am I sure this is simple?> or being just professionally good looking. You knoe, like using your good looks as a job. Let’s label this as my dream career #2. But I wasn’t very lucky with the genes that I acquired. I didn’t win the genetic lottery super grandprize. Some of my cousins took all those precious chromosomal types like the standing-tall-genes, unclogging-pore-genes and the nice-jaw-line-genes that cut me off my dream career #2. Haha.

But kidding aside, if I chose to be in those raunchy fashion shows and magazines, wouldn’t that cause me to regret not being a doctor instead? Right. But come to think about it, combining those two is actually feasible, ayt? By being a professionally good looking doctor! Haha. In my very own rights! :-))

The question now is… how?!

I used to work, 24-7. Yes, work even during the weekends. Cos I am a physician, that’s how we roll. Our lives belong to our patients. I spent 36 hours of duty every 3 days. So I just want to tell some of you to shuddup and stop bringing the crappy idea up regarding the recent depression issues among call center agents because of sleep deprivation. Have these people even ever thought of us?! Gawd!

Where is beauty rest in that scenario? It doesn’t exist.

I used to earn like 4 thousand bucks every 3 months <ikr? not even reached the minimum wage>. I got a raise when I became a GP but I still ask my parents for money at times, they pay for my phone bills, gasoline, and my apartment rent. Whatta loser kid I am. I actually can earn bigger than anyone else’s salary at my age if I work full-time, but that can’t be done cos of upcoming exams.

Where is the joy of retail therapy now? Non-existent!

Never in my life did I ever breakdown until several months ago, I woke up one night and just started crying. My roommate was like “What is wrong with you?”. Well, I also didn’t know. I just replied “It’s full-moon, I am lunatic you know…” Hahaha… I think I scared him.

Don’t mind me. I am just burnt-out. Probably.

This is me verbally obstipated which is ironic cos I still have a lot of things to say. So maybe this is actually a verbal diarrhea. A mild one that is. #JustSaying

So today, I will never stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile. Focus focus focus.

*Thanks for reading. This post is a crappy one. And I am not a psycho for crying out loud. Believe me.

Office Ensembles, October 2011

I am creating a new thread in my blog called Office Ensembles wherein I will be posting remarkable <at least I find nice, haha> attires that I get to wear in the clinic every month. Details will be given to freely promote the items. As some of you already know, if I like a product I promote them freely via twitter or here in my blog.

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Top: Pop Icon
White Blazer: Nikko’s Tailoring
Belt: black leather with metal buckle, unrecalled Hickok
Trousers: Dean & Trent

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Top: Old Navy
Steth: 3M Littmann Select

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Top: Dean & Trent
Steth: 3M Littmann Select
Stamp: DigiStamps